So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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