I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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