there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
