Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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