you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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