Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
