Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
