Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
