he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I supernannyed him into submission
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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