Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
