I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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