New invention idea: vibrating tampons
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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