We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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