Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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