Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
