pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
