I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
