u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
