You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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