so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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