Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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