New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
