When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You ate ashes out of my bong
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