You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Please don't give away my fajitas
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
