**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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