why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
