Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
