Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
