How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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