I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
