That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
