He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
