Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need water and some morals
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
