I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
