for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
