I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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