I'm going to rape someone's good day.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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