i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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