Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
