We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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