im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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