Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
