I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
