NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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