How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
