so explain again why im purple
no
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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