I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
