guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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