Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
