drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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